There's Just No Pleasing Some People

So, I had an interview with that company that called me that I wasn't very impressed with, initially. In spite of having a phone call at 9:00 am with a yelling 1-year old in the background, they actually wanted to meet with me in person - somewhat informally, over breakfast - for a "follow up conversation". It was basically an interview, albeit in a less intense atmosphere than an office. Two of them, one of me, coffee and conversation.

They're a consulting firm. They're a very small consulting firm (10 whole people). I don't want to do consulting anymore. And half of their clients are in an industry in which I have experience but really don't want to work for again, and yet that's obviously what I'd be most likely to do for them. And I was up front with them about both of those facts, as well as the fact that I'm VERY early in my job search - in fact, my husband and I aren't 100% sure that I'm going to go back to work full-time yet (I'd rather not, but money is really tight these days) - but I also very honestly said that it would all depend on the opportunity. Right job, right company, I'd do it, consulting or not, no matter the industry.

I just got the follow up note: "Unfortunately, we've decided not to move forward at this time..." Now, this is a company I'm only marginally okay with (they impressed me more with each subsequent conversation, but it's small, new, and again, consulting), a job I'm less than thrilled with getting back into, and an industry I don't want to work for again. I should be relieved. But of course, I'm disappointed and admittedly, a little insulted. I'm embarrassed, actually. I ALWAYS get jobs for which I interview. Resumes don't always get picked up, that's no big deal. But if I get through the front door, I'm in. Always. ALWAYS. And I wanted to be in this time. I didn't really want the job - or at least, I had not reached the point where I was sure I wanted the job - and yet, I wanted to get the job. I wanted to be in the position to decide, to reject them or accept them. I wanted to know that I could have the job. That I've "still got it," in a sense, and that I'm eminently employable if we decide I am going back to work. I just plain wanted them to like me. This is like reluctantly agreeing to go out on a date with a guy you're not remotely attracted to, just to be nice, and then having him tell you at the end of the night that he just doesn't feel any chemistry and doesn't think you should see each other again. I wanted to be the one to break up!

Of course I'm still employable. I can say with 99.9% certainty that my last employer would happily have me back, and probably even give me my pick of job roles. And I haven't even actually started looking for a job yet, so I'm sure that there are other opportunities out there. And I really DON'T want to do consulting, or in that industry. So, this really should be no big deal. And yet, it is. I hate that they're done with me. I wanted them to want me, and I hate that I failed to make them want me. There's just no pleasing some people - namely, me.