The Best TV Show That Apparently Doesn't Exist Yet

I read about this in TV Guide (hey, I had lots of unused airline miles, so I signed up for a free subscription, what can I say?). Anyway, the creator of Scrubs apparently had been shopping this idea for a TV show that networks either kept rejecting or, in the case of NBC, apparently say they're going to produce and then never seem to bother getting around to making. Anyway, they've sort of gone viral with it, and I watched a few of the clips for the first time last night.

For the life of me, I can't figure out why I think this stuff is so funny. I'm the kind of person that doesn't like Farrelly Brothers movies, but thought the joke on Frasier where Niles was all excited about some fan mail he'd received in which the author "called [me] a genius! Of course, he used the lesser-known 'j' spelling..." was absolutely hilarious. Yet, I find this stuff just great. It's just nutty enough to appeal to the masses, and just satirical enough to appeal to my, er, more refined sensibilities. Anyway, no matter your personal comedic preferences, I suggest giving it a look, and if you like it, pass it on: www.nobodyswatching.tv.

The Best TV Show You're Apparently Not Watching

Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. Positively BRILLIANT, folks, and yet, ratings have been kind of "eh" since it launched. Matthew Perry is great - a truly above-expectations post-Friends performance, and the whole show is wickedly funny, whip-smart, and heartbreakingly poignant all in each episode. If you're not already watching it, start.

You can watch the current week's episode (after it's aired, Monday nights at 10pm Eastern/9pm Central) on NBC's site: http://www.nbc.com/Studio_60_on_the_Sunset_Strip/ Unfortunately, they only make the current episode available, but it's better than nothing...

First Impressions

Recently, on a lark, based on general discussions about the possible necessity of my returning to the salaried working world, I updated my info on monster.com. Not 12 hours later, a consulting company sent me an e-mail expressing their interest in my resume and requesting a phone interview. Now, in spite of the fact that I really don't want to go back into consulting - which I expressly said, right there on my monster info under both "objective" and "ideal job," - I agreed to talk to them, because I don't really feel the need to burn any professional bridges when I don't know yet how desperately I may need the contact. So I e-mailed them a cheerful reply, saying that I'd be delighted to speak with them, but could we please coordinate a phone call ahead of time, as I have a 1-year old at home. I explained that nap times were the best time to talk as I could give my full attention to the phone call. The recruiter e-mailed back, asking for my preferred times; I responded with my preference, and waited for a reply with either a confirmation or a "that won't work for us; how about this time instead?". That was three business days ago.

No word for several days, and then they just call me out of the blue today at what was definitely not one of the times I preferred. Now, maybe this is a strategy to try to catch you offguard and see how you handle yourself, but I have to say, I was a little peeved. My sister was visiting, just back from her honeymoon, and although she was about to leave, I was also about to put my daughter down for a nap, for which she was way overdue, and as a result, I was expecting that the process might take awhile. So, I very politely explained to the woman that this wasn’t actually a good time for me, because I was about to put my daughter down for a nap. Would it be okay if I called her back, or she could call me back, in say, an hour? Pause. LONG pause.

Finally: “Hm. I don’t think that will work for me, because I’ll be in a meeting in an hour.”

Pause.

Okay, apparently she’s waiting for me to say something.

Me: “Well, anytime this afternoon would probably be okay; if I’m lucky, she’ll sleep until 4:30 or 5:00. Would later this afternoon work?”

Pause.

So I keep going. “I mean, really any time will work, it’s just that if she isn’t sleeping, you won’t necessarily have my undivided attention, since I have to supervise my 1-year old while I talk.”

Pause.

Again, finally, she said: “I don’t think that will work. I’m going to be in meetings all afternoon.”

Pause.

When I don’t say anything, because I’m frankly at a loss, because I'm beginning to think she doesn't understand why her meeting schedule doesn't immediately make me cave in and say "well, then now is fine," she finally said, “How about tomorrow?” Trying to be helpful, I said, “Yes, that would be fine. With some advance notice, I can plan her naps and meals accordingly. What time is good for you?”

Another pause.

Now I'm really making a face, which fortunately, she can't see. Obviously put out that she's actually had to consult her personal calendar, she finally says, “how about between 9 and 10?” Okay, clearly she isn’t at all interested in my schedule or she would have guessed that wasn’t a good time, but nonetheless, I said, “Sure, I can do that. It may be a little noisy, but I’ll be here.” No response from her other than to confirm the phone number. No rapport established, no response to my gentle joking that she may have to compete with a chatty 1-year old, nothing.

Now, here’s what I’m thinking: these people found me, I didn’t go looking for them. I very cheerfully answered their e-mail, and respectfully requested that we coordinate ahead by e-mail to set up a time to talk on the phone, because of my current situation as a stay-at-home mom. This seems fine until suddenly, they disappear for 3 or 4 days, then call me out of the blue. Already, I’m thinking that they’re either not very conscientious (because they’ve forgotten all about my request) or they’re trying to be “tricky” by catching me off-guard. Either way, I’m already not impressed. Then here I am, talking with someone, trying again to cheerfully and politely say, “This isn’t really a good time (how would this conversation have gone if I’d been at another job, I wonder?) – when else would be good for you?” and the response I get is someone who sounds totally dumbfounded that I can’t work my child-care obligations around her meetings. ? Clearly doesn’t have kids of her own! But also, doesn't seem to me like she's terribly interested in convincing me to come work there, something that should be part of her job right up until the minute they actually decide not to hire me.

My feeling is that a) they sought me out, not the other way around; b) if I go back to work, I don’t even want to do consulting – a fact I clearly stated on my monster.com info; and c) all I was asking for was a little latitude coordinating a phone call, given that I have a child to take care of – kind of like a real job, you know? So, shouldn’t they maybe be a tad more…helpful? Maybe I’ve overthinking this, but I have to say I am not left with a great impression so far. Am I wrong?

It's All Good

How about just a few minutes to brag about my awesome kid?

I just cannot begin to tell you how incredibly wonderful I - we - find our daughter. She is the cutest, sweetest, most mischievously smart, blond-haired, blue-eyed, monster darling in the world. At this moment, she is trying to help me type - and at 11 1/2 months, you can imagine how much "help" she is. *LAUGH OUT LOUD!* She just peeked around my laptop screen with her eyebrows up and her lips pursed in a little look that said, "Helloooo?" Sometimes, she just cracks me up. Most of the time, my husband and I sit and marvel at how remarkably beautiful she is, and wonder how in the world we produced her. Talk about evidence of God on this planet! Oh, did you want to say something honey? Here's a message from my daughter: ,-l=lll I guess that's all she had to say. Isn't she brilliant?

Get Out Of My Poker Room, Uncle Sam!

I'd just like to take a moment to rant, campaign, soapbox, whatever you want to call it, about a cause near and dear to my heart: the sneak-attack, underhanded attempts by Congress to outlaw online poker (for money). No, they haven't come right out and prohibited it - probably because it would be ultimately proven unconstitutional to do so, and because it's virtually impossible to enforce those kind of internet regulations at this juncture anyway. Instead, they've opted to, quietly and circuitously, prohibit credit card companies from doing business with poker-for-money sites, or other financial institutions that do business with poker-for-money sites. In other words, to play poker online for money, I have to make a deposit to a sort of Paypal-ish kind of site, using my credit card; that site in turn deposits money to the poker site. Now my credit card company won't permit those kind of deposits, and technically the other financial institution isn't supposed to make deposits to the poker sites either.

Let me just take a moment to say: THIS IS COMPLETE HORSES**T. I am an adult. It is MY money. And we are not talking about online casinos here, where - just like the real-live casinos - the house has a distinct advantage and you are truly "gambling" with almost no chance of coming out ahead in the long run. We are talking about a game of cards against other, live, consenting adults, to see who's the better card player, with a few bucks at stake. I don't wager hundreds of dollars (although some do), but I enjoy playing a 2-cent or 25-cent game once in awhile, to winning a whopping buck and know that I ROCK at this game. Sure, I also lose money; how is that different from going to a bar or amusement park or golf course and paying to play for a few hours? That's money I'm never going to see again - at least this way, I might win something!

And hey, I'm all for regulating the sites to make sure that there's nothing fishy going on in the underlying code that prevents any one person or subsection of players from winning fairly. And I'm perfectly willing to pay taxes on any actual profit I make (so far, I'm down $30 for a few months' of playing, so I'm thinking that counts as a "capital loss", not to worry). I just think I ought to be able to spend my money any way I want, when I am CLEARLY not hurting anyone with this activity, including myself. What happened to good old-fashioned capitalism? Let fools be parted from their money any way they choose, for heaven's sake. Who, exactly, does Congress think it's helping with this ridiculous bill?

It's Nice To Be Wanted

Wow. I just wanted to share my little proud moment for the day. I have been a stay-at-home mom for about the last year. I love it. I don't want to go back to working in the salaried world, but unfortunately the family bank account and some future expenses are going to demand it, so I've started thinking - casually and reluctantly - about getting a job. Last night, really as an afterthought to a job I'd seen listed somewhere that sounded interesting, I decided to update my resume and info on Monster.com and publish it. I've had an account for years, but I'd made my stuff "private" an unviewable for at least the last year, because I didn't want someone actually approaching me about a job only to say "oh, sorry, not working right now". Why burn bridges unnecessarily? Anyway: I sat watching the "Project Runway" finale and updated my Monster info and lo-and-behold, in my hotmail inbox this morning is a letter from a company that's interested in my resume! It had to have been viewed less than 12 hours after I posted it. And yes, it's a legitimate company, although admittedly, it's not really the work I want to do - it's my field of expertise, but I'm trying to move out of consulting (my past) and into a more..."normal" job, and this is definitely consulting. But the point is, less than 12 hours after posting my resume, I got a "hit" - isn't that COOL? Well, it sure feels cool. Kinda made my day, even though I really don't want to go back to work, and specifically not in consulting. It's nice to feel wanted!

You Can't Pick Your Relatives

My sister got married this past Saturday. I couldn't be happier for her, and it was an absolutely flawless event - except for one tiny little thing, which is of course exactly the kind of fodder that weblogs are made of.

I have these relatives. We've all got one - the uncle who is still living with his parents, the aunt who's a not-so-closet drunk, the cousin serving a second or third sentence at the Federal pen (I actually have one of those). Sadly, I have more than one of these wish-they-were-related-to-someone-else relatives, although only one in particular really comes into play in this story. She is a second cousin (the daughter of a first cousin - I've never been clear on the distinction between the "second" and "once removed" categorizations) , and in her defense, she comes from a whole family line of questionable judgment. Somehow, my aunt took a left turn where my dad went right, and amid teenage pregnancies, divorces, an alcoholic husband - whom she married more than once - and other less-than-stellar choices, she ended up with kids who repeated many of her mistakes and even compounded a few of them. It was inevitable, I suppose, that one of them would bring this trend right to the otherwise beautiful wedding of my sister - it is one of the main reasons I didn't have a big wedding myself. So here's the scoop:

Children were not invited to this wedding. Let me clarify: specifically because of this cousin's monster 3-year-old son, children were not invited to this wedding. The whole point of excluding all the other children was to avoid inviting this one child, and to try to do so in a nice, non-confrontational way that would preserve the family peace - although why we feel the need to be diplomatic to these particular people, I fail to understand. I say, let this branch of the family tree fall, put it in the Whisper Chipper, and ship it off to mulch someone else's garden!

But I digress: children were not included, specifically to avoid having to deal with this one child. And let me emphasize that this is no ordinary 3-year old boy who is just poorly behaved; that we could've handled. No, no. This child is different. His foul mouth makes Ozzy Osbourne look like a fairy princess. I am not easily shocked or offended, and yet when I see this kid at family events I just want to cover my ears and hide under a rock. He is physically destructive - and I don't mean impish and mischievous the way little boys are, I mean dangerous. I am betting that he will be incarcerated before he turns 15. No, make that 12. And in fairness to the boy, it is not his fault. His father's version of discipline is to yell: "stop f***ing climbing that f***ing bathroom stall! Get the f*** down here!" (This was at the wedding reception, mind you.) His mother, who is actually a very smart girl who sadly followed in her mother and grandmother's footsteps and dropped out of high school to begin breeding before she reached legal adulthood, does nothing about it. Who wouldn't feel overwhelmed by that situation?

So, this boy came to the wedding. Once my mother had picked her jaw back up off the floor, she pointed the way to the nursery. (Of course, she failed to mention this to me, knowing that I would have left the altar, bridesmaid dress and bouquet and all, and taken my 11-month old baby girl out of that same nursery - she assures me the that the poor woman who got stuck supervising the kids insists that he was actually very well-behaved). Even his own grandmother, my aunt, was furious when she saw them walk in with the kid, but what can polite, respectable people do? (I say f*** respectability and physically remove them to the sidewalk, but hey, nobody asked me.)

And then he came to the reception. Where he proceeded to taunt us all by hovering around the cake table - oh yes, I have a picture - but miraculously was swept off by his mother just in the nick of time (my sister, in her wedding gown, was personally defending the cake up to that point). But the crowning moment was when a cousin from the other side of the family came back to the table after calling his wife on his cell phone outside, and reported that "some kid was out there blowing out and then breaking all the candles." "Would that kid happen to be a little blond with a mohawk?" I asked, knowing the answer. "Yep." Great. That kid broke 9 out of 12 glass luminaries that my mother had bought to light the steps up to the reception hall. BROKE them. Not because he just happened to bang into them - 9 of them? Come on. Because he was systematically going about breaking them, smashing them all over the sidewalk. And where were his parents at this juncture? Excellent question! Nobody seems to know. Knowing that I would be likely to inflict actual bodily harm on either the child or his mother, I sat quietly stewing in my chair, opting not to tell my mother (who didn't find out until the event was over, thank goodness) or deal with it myself (I was determined to continue enjoying myself, and what could be done about it at that point anyway?).

All that ultimately happened was that my usually even-keeled father delivered a stern reproach to another cousin (he couldn't bring himself to deliver it directly to his sister - which has often been part of the problem in her life, I suspect) in the hopes that word would pass. There's no hope of collecting any recompense for the candles, because this mother doesn't have a nickel to her name to begin with, and it's frankly not the point. My sister, who is generally the more forgiving and understanding sibling when it comes to family misbehavior, is steadfastly insisting we officially disown them. And no, she was not in any way a "bridezilla" - she is just that upset that my cousin could be so disrespectful, not only by bringing the little twit when she was explicitly instructed to leave him home, but by then letting him terrorize the event. I, of course, am all for disowning her! I've been suggesting we cut ties with that gang for years, but as usual, people are slow to get on my bandwagon.

No, disowning them won't undo what's been done or really make any other difference in their lives, but it would sure bring peace of mind to mine. I look forward to future family events where I don't have to worry about them because they won't have been included in the first place, and I won't have to feel the least bit guilty about it. Not that I really did before.